Are you ready for a better life? Do you lack a life plan? Having trouble getting started?

What is it that’s holding you back?

Typically, what holds most people back from attaining what they really want is a lack of time, a lack of money or a lack of know-how. It’s sad really because solutions to those three road blocks are abundantly available. That being the case, what actually holds people back from striving for a better life (whatever that may be to them) is fear.

Fear comes in many shapes and sizes often disguised as something else such as a lack of money, time or know-how. I know this first hand because it took me over two years to complete my book Do Over when it had been 90% complete for over a year and a half of those two years. I used all three of the excuses above several times during the two years writing my book, but in hindsight I think I was really scared that nobody would want to read it.

I thank God that I was able to push through that fear (I’ll share with you in a minute how I did it) because I would have never received this uplifting e-mail from Anne W. of South Florida today. Anne took me up on my free offer of downloading Chapter 1 of Do Over, she gave it a read and here’s what she wrote (an excerpt):

“Thanks Matt. Just read the preface and CH 1. You hit all the right buttons and I can’t wait to read more. I applaud your charitable giving from the proceeds of the book. Nicely done.

Your material couldn’t have come at a better time. I am about to take a step backward to clear up some family business before moving on with life.”

“I’m starting a small biz to create income while in Florida and need all the help I can get to keep my head up and move forward!

Keep up the positive spirit and continued success to you Matt. Many thanks! Anne”

Anne’s comments of Do Over were my first from someone that I didn’t previously know. Now, I know it’s only the first chapter and I’m still a few weeks away from the book’s official release (September 15, 2010), but it feels like a good start! To think fear almost stopped me from completing Do Over seems so silly right now.

Through one of my mentors, I’ve come to know fear as exactly what it is 99.9% of the time: False Evidence Appearing Real. Although I can’t think of any fear I’ve experienced as being real, I’m sure there’s an exception, so I left the .1% open to satisfy that exception.

Because it deserves so much attention, I address fear in Do Over not once but twice. Fear is what stands between us and everything we want from life. It will throw you off your life plan everytime. Once you get a complete understanding that there’s nothing to fear but fear itself (it’s a shame this quote has become such a cliché because it’s one of the great truths), the world will magically begin to open up and present itself as your playground… and that better life will be yours.

I’m a big believer in the notion that we get what we focus on. You can focus on what you fear may happen, or you can focus on what you want to have happen. By acting on what you want to have happen, fear will disappear.

Conversely, inaction, indecision, and procrastination fertilize fear.

The complete mastery of fear may or may not be attainable, but the closer you get to being its master the easier your life plan gets to excecute – and for that reason alone, mastery of fear is worth pursuing. I have gotten to the point where as soon as I feel fear, I feel an opportunity for growth. Each and every time I have acknowledged fear and pushed through that fear, I have experienced amazing emotions of triumph. I have become more connected to fear in the sense that I recognize everything I want is just beyond it. Rewards lie just on the other side.

Knowing this, fear now inspires me into action. I can use fear as a tool. I can truly live life, and because I can… I love life.

You can do the same. Try this as a discipline. Whenever you are faced with something that scares you, acknowledge it, then do it. That’s the rule. I’m scared, now act. Don’t question it. Just do it. Put this discipline into action. And remember, hesitation only enlarges, magnifies, and intensifies the fear. Take action swiftly. Be decisive. Face your fears with action and you control your fears.

Undoubtedly, you will ask yourself after the fact, “What was I scared of?”

From that point forward you control that fear, and it will never stop you again. Some fears may have to be faced repeatedly before they entirely disappear, but they will disappear. We gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to stare fear in the face. You must do that which you think you cannot.

I put together a video a while back of an exercise I use to put my fears into perspective. It’s amazing how it works. It has become a staple in my life plan. Feel free to give it a try as I promise it will remove whatever fear you’re currently facing that’s preventing you from enjoying YOUR better life.

Click here to view the video.

Success is easy, and it’s available to all of us.  Although talent exists, it is almost irrelevant.  Could practice, drilling and rehearsing (and do it more than anybody) really be all that is needed to succeed?  To be the best?  What do you think?

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” -Zig Ziglar

“Life is not about how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” -Rocky Balboa

I mean that is like the ultimate “Do Over” quote, my work is done here.  There really is nothing else for me to write.

“If you want to get what you’re worth, go get it!”  Go out and get what you’re worth, but you gotta be willing to take the hits.  Like my good friend Mr. J Massey always says, “You’re gonna spend more money and do more work than you want to be successful.”  I always think… “What is success worth?”  The answer is subjective.  If you asked a million people that question, you’d certainly get a million different answers.  What is it worth to you?  What are you willing to do for it?  What are you willing to do to be successful for your family?  [Sorry, low blow]  Low blow, maybe?  But it’s worth thinking about, yes?

No excuses.  Cowards do that… and that ain’t you!  You are better than that!

I think it is safe to say that everybody wants to be successful at something.  The question is, how successful do we want to be?  Just successful?  Very successful?  The most successful?  Talent helps, but it alone falls short every time to enthusiasm and persistence.  In fact, after reading Geoff Colvin’s book Talent is Overrated I was left with the notion that although “talent” exists, it is irrelevant to higher achievement.  This can be a pivotal revelation for most people (it was for me), because most people have convinced themselves that they don’t have what it takes to succeed.  The suppressive influences that most people experience growing up could have conditioned you to believe success is for the talented, the lucky or the “already successful.”  If this is your belief, even remotely, you will want to read the chapter in Malcolm Gladwell’s book The Outliers about the 10,000 Hour Rule.  You will never entertain that notion again.

With the pursuit of success so ingrained in our society, why do so few people achieve it?  I have personally found that very few are prepared to make the sacrifices success takes.  So many are in search of a solution, a method, a program, a coach, a “silver bullet” way to become successful.  There are no shortcuts.  It will be more work than you want to do, and depending on your goals, cost you more money than you want to spend.  Is success a priority for you?  For the masses, being nice to be liked is higher on their list of priorities, whether consciously or subconsciously, than being successful.  A predominant need to be liked will hinder one’s attainment of success.  Strength and resilience are required.  Most when faced with a decision to stand their ground congruent with their goal will not because they feel by doing so they will not be liked, which is a ridiculous belief.  As Geoff Colvin writes in Talent is Overrated, and I will concur that, “being liked” is even more ridiculous.   Success escapes the majority of people because they; 1) feel it takes talent to succeed, 2) are endlessly searching for an easier way, and/or 3) are being nice to be liked.  Do any of these apply to you?

You have to put in the work.  Nobody is going to do it for you.

Now the question is… Would you rather be liked, or respected?

If there is something you want out of life that you do not currently have, consider there is only one thing that’s standing in your way.  If you guessed “fear,” you’re probably right.  In fact, I would bet on it.  Your fear might be disguised as some other expression like “I can’t afford it” or “I don’t have the time” or “It won’t work” or “I don’t know how.”  Whatever label you’re putting on it, it is fear all the same.  Someone once defined F.E.A.R. as False Evidence Appearing Real.  I wish I knew who originally said it… brilliant!

Having said that, fear is a real emotion.  While your fears may be just appearing as real, your mind experiences extreme difficulty in differentiating what is real and what is perceived as such.  The fact that your mind registers the signal of fear is enough to incapacitate your response and prevent you from moving forward.

To demonstrate how silly we can actually be as humans, I posted a video below walking you through an exercise I use to break through my fears, and how I help my students to do the same.  I recorded it a couple of months ago for a different purpose, but it seems so fitting for this post I thought I would share it with you.  It will work for anything, I promise!  What would your life look like if you had no fear?

If you are prone to making excuses, it is something you will want to change… immediately.  Using excuses to explain away your failures will not only stifle your progress, but stifle your growth and drastically limit your results.  People use excuses to let themselves off the hook for not giving it their all.  Taking responsibility for your actions, results and experiences is one of the most powerful disciplines a human can take on.  It is a discipline, an inherent character trait, of successful people.  By taking responsibility for your life, nothing or no one can get in your way.  Every person at some point comes to the epiphany that if I want to be successful, nobody is going to do it for me.  Certainly, friends, family, associates and your environment may contribute to your success, but if it is to be… it will be up to you – 100%.

I invite you to think back to your last failure, and think back to a big one.  Think back to one where there was something really important at stake.  Who, or what, do you blame for that failure?  Was it your age, health, gender, education, environment, race, friend, spouse, government, the economy… what was it?  Is it true?  Was it really to blame?  Or, was there something else you could’ve done before accepting failure?  Were there multiple things you could’ve done before accepting failure?  What did that excuse cost you?

Take responsibility for your actions, your results and your experiences and watch a new level of personal performance suddenly emerge.  Notice how your communication improves.  Notice how your relationships improve.  Notice how you will begin to receive assistance from people that had never moved a muscle for you before.  Notice how life actually becomes easier, because it will.  Even if it seems a little counter-intuitive at first, trust it.  Clarity around the power of responsibility will be created before you know it, and you will be able to use it as a tool to accomplish whatever you set your sights on.

Best practices:

1. Trust your abilities. We are all born for greatness and engineered for success.  Believe it.  You must have confidence in this belief before others will have confidence in you.
2. Look for the bright-side in every challenge you experience. Get in the habit of asking yourself in the face of adversity, “Is this really as bad as I’m making it mean?”
3. Focus on solutions instead of excuses. Specifically, always focus on what you want to have happen as opposed to what’s happening.  What else could I do to produce my desired result?
4. Be Lucky. Luck exists in the moment when preparedness meets opportunity.  Always be preparing.  Always be learning.  Always be practicing skills and improving your knowledge.

“In times of change learners will inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.” –Eric Hoffer

Here’s my favorite resource to stay prepared and equipped for whatever future challenge or opportunity I may meet.  Perhaps it will become yours, as well?

Everybody wants to be successful to some degree.  Most believe that success will manifest all those wonderful things we call “wants.”  While humans aspire to be successful, very few have the belief that they will succeed.  Unfortunately, that’s where success begins, with beliefs.  No successful beliefs = no success.  Until one has cultivated a strong belief in themselves, success will forever elude them and the “wanting” of success is really nothing more than wishful thinking.

There is nothing mysterious or magical about the power of belief.  History is replete with countless examples of successful people giving an overwhelming amount of credit to their beliefs and thoughts.  Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich is one of the more famous studies of such people.  It is successful people’s belief in themselves and what they are up to that attracts and creates their opportunities.  A person with strong beliefs will radiate confidence and influence within their environment and network.  Confident and influential people attract other confident and influential people.  Circles of confident and influential people beget access to resources, contacts and communities that elude other circles.  This type of environment is constantly presenting openings for seemingly effortless action.  Action creates results, results create success, and success will strengthen your belief in success perpetuating the cycle of success; And it all begins with beliefs.

One thing to keep in mind at all times is that “beliefs” do not discriminate.  Successful thoughts lead to successful results.  Mediocre thoughts lead to mediocre results.  Negative thoughts lead to negative results.  Small thoughts lead to small results.  Big thoughts lead to big results.  Beliefs are beliefs.  It takes no more effort to believe in success than it does in failure.  That’s great news!  And even better news is YOU get to choose what you believe in.

In a nutshell, you are what you think about most of the time.

Our mind is like a rubber band, when stretched, it will never return to the previous size. Stretch you mind by learning from and modeling successful people. The aim is to make successful thoughts and actions your habit.