Continued from yesterday’s post Why a “Do Over?” Are One of These 7 Toxins to Blame?, let’s get right to it and on track to a better life.

Toxin #4: Guilt

Often it is not the repercussions of wrongdoing that will cause a business to fail, a criminal to be apprehended, or a relationship to end; it is the actions of a guilty conscience. A guilty conscience will cause self-imposed worry, fear, loss of composure, erratic thinking, interrupted concentration, and additional actions that will contribute to and prolong the feeling of guilt. When you take action or speak words contrary to your conscience, you feel guilt. It is a warning, an internal signal, that you have compromised your own rules for life.

Guilt will obstruct your thought process. When your mind is processing thoughts like “Will I get caught? What if they find out? Will I get away with it?”, how can any healthy-minded person think straight with such a paranoid and frantic emotion present? There is a saying that when emotions rise, intelligence falls.

How can anyone expect to achieve with compromised intelligence?

A guilt-free life is simple. Operate with honesty and integrity every day of your life and guilt will not be a problem. It is the shortcuts we take in life that lead to guilt. The immediate gratification we experience from such shortcuts is always taken over by worry, erratic thinking, and interrupted concentration.

Guilt is pretty simple to manage… trust your gut, and trust it fast. Humans inherently know the difference between right and wrong. Do right and a better life certainly awaits you.

Toxin #5: Indecision

When I got out of the Marine Corps, I remember hearing a quote from General Colin Powell: “Indecision has cost the American government, American businesses, and the American people billions of dollars more than the wrong decision.” In other words, NOT making a decision can be more costly than making one, even if it is the wrong one. That quote has stuck with me, and I have referenced it at least a hundred times in conversation since.

Indecision is broadly recognized as a success killer, yet almost completely ignored as a distinction in the world of personal development.

I have divided decisions into two categories.

Category 1 is a “yes” or “no” decision. What will happen if I do? What will happen if I do not?

Category 2 is a “right” or “left” decision. When you find yourself at a fork in the road, you can become paralyzed. Do I turn left? Do I turn right?

The two types have one thing in common. They can stop us dead in our tracks. Through paralysis, relationships deteriorate and businesses fail.

Indecision is toxic. It is the offspring of fear and the mother of paralysis, and it can be costly.

“In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States

Toxin #6: Fear

Fear! What is it? I mean really, what is it? Literally, it is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, or pain. Fear is a basic survival mechanism related to the behaviors of fight, flee, escape, or avoidance. The capacity to fear is a part of human nature. This emotion is both learned and inherited; it is a lesson that has been passed on from generation to generation beginning millions of years ago when humans initially learned to fear the likes of saber-toothed tigers and hungry wolves (now that’s what I call impending danger, evil, or pain!).

The last I checked, threat from these beasts did not interfere with my last attempt at success. How about yours? Probably not, but everyday fears that seem just as strong still exist. What is important to get is that the vast majority (I feel comfortable going on the record with 99.9%) of fears we face cannot be categorized as impending danger, evil, or pain. There are few things out there that will kill us or cause us physical harm. As long as we look both ways when crossing the street and steer away from dark alleys at night, most danger, evil, and pain can be virtually eliminated from a person’s life. Then why does fear still stop us?

The answer is simple. Whether a threat is real or imagined, the mind will not automatically make the distinction. The mind will initially categorize everything as a saber-toothed tiger.

Fear is easily managed by taking action. Action quickly builds confidence. Conversely, inaction will increase fear and destroy confidence.

On a daily basis do that thing you fear most, and do it first, and fear will disappear. Your life can be completely transformed by heeding this one tiny bit of advice. You will be amazed how liberating this practice can be. Not only does it clear your mind of worry and guilt, it clears your mind for the rest of the day. And a clear mind communicates better, thinks more creatively and sleeps in peace. A well-rested, creative person who communicates clearly and often, produces results…successful results. Consistent successful results equals a better life.

Toxin #7: Environment

H. Clement Stone once said, “Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.”

Does that quote cause you to immediately think of your environment, like it did me? Now knowing that you will become your friends, does it cause you to immediately think of your friends? Do you want to become your friends?

The way you think, your attitudes, the size of your dreams and goals, and your very personality will be shaped, if not completely altered, by your environment. Experts and independent studies agree that a person consistently functioning in an environment of negative thinkers, petty attitudes, and pessimistic dispositions will take on those traits. Not to worry; by surrounding yourself with ambitious people you will increase your ambition. Continued companionship with big thinkers will increase your thinking. Prosperous camaraderie will contribute to your prosperity.

You are a product of your environment, and you will become a product of the environment you create. If you create an environment of losers, you will lose. If you create an environment of achievers, you will achieve. The bright side is YOU get to create your environment.

How’d you do? How many of these 7 toxins existed in your past endeavors? How many currently exist? In pursuit of a better life, the quicker you can eliminate any or all of these toxins, the quicker you will get there.

Over the years I have been able to identify seven toxins that will almost assuredly interfere with your aspirations. When they are present, success can be almost impossible. What makes these 7 toxins so dangerous is that they act and work like radon gas (my own personal metaphor). If you don’t know, radon gas is silent, odorless, invisible, and it kills. These seven toxins can rob you of success in precisely the same way radon can take a life. Here is my countdown of the seven:

Toxin #1: Violating the Law of Being

The natural order of success and achievement, or life in general for that matter, is:

BE – DO – HAVE

The law states that by focusing solely on “being” the person you desire to be, you will be compelled to “do” what that person would do, resulting in what that person would “have.” If this blog is anything but your first exposure to personal development, you have likely heard of this law before (or a variation thereof).

The “Law of Being,” as I refer to it, is so powerful that if you were to stop reading right now and apply only it, you would not need to read any further. Implementing this law is easier said than done, however. The vast majority of our world’s population, even the people who are familiar with this law, unknowingly violate it countless times per day. Disregarding this one law is literally the equivalent to swimming upstream, running against the wind or riding a bike up a hill. If life is treating you unfairly or is doling out tough lesson after tough lesson, if it feels like the world is against you, stop and look at who you are being.

The Law of Being is akin to the Law of Gravity. It exists whether you believe in it or not. The Law of Gravity will not discriminate. If you were to jump off a building, gravity could not care less if you were good, bad, fat, skinny, old, young, rich, poor, dumb, or smart; gravity says you will hit the ground. The same is true with the Law of Being. It affects everyone the same.

Pay attention to who you are “being” most of the time.

Toxin #2: Stress

Stress, under certain conditions, may produce a positive experience. It is not uncommon for one to respond to stress by calling on internal resources to produce results and accomplish goals. Referring to stress under these circumstances in a post titled “The 7 Toxins that Kill Stress” would not make much sense, so I will omit further explanation of this type. For the purposes of this post, we will refer to stress as the suppressive and toxic force that it can be.

Stress is the consequence of the body’s failure to appropriately respond to emotional or physical threats, whether actual or imagined. Stress can produce a state of alarm, adrenaline and short-term resistance as a survival mechanism, and over time lead to exhaustion and illness. The symptoms, or consequences rather, of stress include emotional irritability, muscular tension, loss of concentration, and a wide variety of physical reactions such as headaches, skin rashes, hair loss, elevated blood pressure, and accelerated heart rate. The most alarming part about stress is that just about anything a human interacts with is a potential stress inducer. From overdue bills, bright lights, traffic, difficult coworkers, death, marriage, divorce, deception, pain, health, and environmental issues such as a lack of control over one’s environment like mobility, housing and food to unemployment, insufficient sleep, job pressure, drinking, and adversity can cause stress. I could go on, but you get the picture.

I am not a doctor (I just play one on T.V… just kidding), nor am I qualified to counsel anyone on stress management. If stress is a serious concern for you, my advice is to seek professional advice.

Toxin #3: Your Thinking

When I refer to your thinking as a toxin, I am speaking of negative thinking and your current thinking (even if it is positive). It’s important to note that the thinking that got you here will not get you there. Surely, you have heard Einstein’s definition of insanity! It reads, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” You can easily swap out the word “doing” with “thinking” and the quote’s logic would be just as sound.

The mind is a fascinating mechanism. When working in a certain way, it will propel you toward and manifest whatever you desire. But the same mind functioning in a different way can produce cataclysmic failure. It all begins with your thoughts:

Bad thoughts = bad results

Good thoughts = good results

Great thoughts = great results

Is it really that simple?

Yes.

You become what you think about most of the time. Whatch your thoughts.

Check in tomorrow for toxins 4 through 7.

Are you ready for a better life? Do you lack a life plan? Having trouble getting started?

What is it that’s holding you back?

Typically, what holds most people back from attaining what they really want is a lack of time, a lack of money or a lack of know-how. It’s sad really because solutions to those three road blocks are abundantly available. That being the case, what actually holds people back from striving for a better life (whatever that may be to them) is fear.

Fear comes in many shapes and sizes often disguised as something else such as a lack of money, time or know-how. I know this first hand because it took me over two years to complete my book Do Over when it had been 90% complete for over a year and a half of those two years. I used all three of the excuses above several times during the two years writing my book, but in hindsight I think I was really scared that nobody would want to read it.

I thank God that I was able to push through that fear (I’ll share with you in a minute how I did it) because I would have never received this uplifting e-mail from Anne W. of South Florida today. Anne took me up on my free offer of downloading Chapter 1 of Do Over, she gave it a read and here’s what she wrote (an excerpt):

“Thanks Matt. Just read the preface and CH 1. You hit all the right buttons and I can’t wait to read more. I applaud your charitable giving from the proceeds of the book. Nicely done.

Your material couldn’t have come at a better time. I am about to take a step backward to clear up some family business before moving on with life.”

“I’m starting a small biz to create income while in Florida and need all the help I can get to keep my head up and move forward!

Keep up the positive spirit and continued success to you Matt. Many thanks! Anne”

Anne’s comments of Do Over were my first from someone that I didn’t previously know. Now, I know it’s only the first chapter and I’m still a few weeks away from the book’s official release (September 15, 2010), but it feels like a good start! To think fear almost stopped me from completing Do Over seems so silly right now.

Through one of my mentors, I’ve come to know fear as exactly what it is 99.9% of the time: False Evidence Appearing Real. Although I can’t think of any fear I’ve experienced as being real, I’m sure there’s an exception, so I left the .1% open to satisfy that exception.

Because it deserves so much attention, I address fear in Do Over not once but twice. Fear is what stands between us and everything we want from life. It will throw you off your life plan everytime. Once you get a complete understanding that there’s nothing to fear but fear itself (it’s a shame this quote has become such a cliché because it’s one of the great truths), the world will magically begin to open up and present itself as your playground… and that better life will be yours.

I’m a big believer in the notion that we get what we focus on. You can focus on what you fear may happen, or you can focus on what you want to have happen. By acting on what you want to have happen, fear will disappear.

Conversely, inaction, indecision, and procrastination fertilize fear.

The complete mastery of fear may or may not be attainable, but the closer you get to being its master the easier your life plan gets to excecute – and for that reason alone, mastery of fear is worth pursuing. I have gotten to the point where as soon as I feel fear, I feel an opportunity for growth. Each and every time I have acknowledged fear and pushed through that fear, I have experienced amazing emotions of triumph. I have become more connected to fear in the sense that I recognize everything I want is just beyond it. Rewards lie just on the other side.

Knowing this, fear now inspires me into action. I can use fear as a tool. I can truly live life, and because I can… I love life.

You can do the same. Try this as a discipline. Whenever you are faced with something that scares you, acknowledge it, then do it. That’s the rule. I’m scared, now act. Don’t question it. Just do it. Put this discipline into action. And remember, hesitation only enlarges, magnifies, and intensifies the fear. Take action swiftly. Be decisive. Face your fears with action and you control your fears.

Undoubtedly, you will ask yourself after the fact, “What was I scared of?”

From that point forward you control that fear, and it will never stop you again. Some fears may have to be faced repeatedly before they entirely disappear, but they will disappear. We gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to stare fear in the face. You must do that which you think you cannot.

I put together a video a while back of an exercise I use to put my fears into perspective. It’s amazing how it works. It has become a staple in my life plan. Feel free to give it a try as I promise it will remove whatever fear you’re currently facing that’s preventing you from enjoying YOUR better life.

Click here to view the video.

The book, Do Over, is finally complete and being run through final preparations for public release! It’s about time, right?!

As you might have heard, the book will initially be available for $1 each. That’s not a misprint, yes… $1. It is my goal to sell 200,000 copies at $1 each contributing 100% of the proceeds to new housing for a family displaced by Hurricane Katrina.

I will not pocket one dime until this is accomplished.

I am working in conjunction with Doris Hicks of the Martin Luther King, Jr. School of Science and Technology in the Lower 9th, NOLA. Together, Doris and I will be conducting an essay contest amongst the students of which a winner will be chosen. The winner of the essay contest will be awarded a new house for his/her family. The new house will be paid for entirely from the proceeds of Do Over.

I am requesting your help to not only purchase the book for $1 once released (September 2010), I am requesting you share the news of my cause, Rebuild the Bayou, with everyone you know. Together we can make a difference!

It’s really easy to share. You can encourage your friends, family and associates to sign up [to the right] for my newsletter and receive Chapter 1 of Do Over for free by either…

1. Click the ‘retweet’ button at the beginning of this post to tweet this blog post, or…

2. Click the ‘f share’ button at the beginning of this post for your friends to see on your facebook wall, or…

3. Do all of the above

I am so grateful you stopped by, and thank you for whatever you can do to help spread the word. Enjoy Chapter 1…

Warmest regards,
Matt “The Do Over Guy” Theriault

Success is easy, and it’s available to all of us.  Although talent exists, it is almost irrelevant.  Could practice, drilling and rehearsing (and do it more than anybody) really be all that is needed to succeed?  To be the best?  What do you think?

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” -Zig Ziglar

“Life is not about how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” -Rocky Balboa

I mean that is like the ultimate “Do Over” quote, my work is done here.  There really is nothing else for me to write.

“If you want to get what you’re worth, go get it!”  Go out and get what you’re worth, but you gotta be willing to take the hits.  Like my good friend Mr. J Massey always says, “You’re gonna spend more money and do more work than you want to be successful.”  I always think… “What is success worth?”  The answer is subjective.  If you asked a million people that question, you’d certainly get a million different answers.  What is it worth to you?  What are you willing to do for it?  What are you willing to do to be successful for your family?  [Sorry, low blow]  Low blow, maybe?  But it’s worth thinking about, yes?

No excuses.  Cowards do that… and that ain’t you!  You are better than that!

I think it is safe to say that everybody wants to be successful at something.  The question is, how successful do we want to be?  Just successful?  Very successful?  The most successful?  Talent helps, but it alone falls short every time to enthusiasm and persistence.  In fact, after reading Geoff Colvin’s book Talent is Overrated I was left with the notion that although “talent” exists, it is irrelevant to higher achievement.  This can be a pivotal revelation for most people (it was for me), because most people have convinced themselves that they don’t have what it takes to succeed.  The suppressive influences that most people experience growing up could have conditioned you to believe success is for the talented, the lucky or the “already successful.”  If this is your belief, even remotely, you will want to read the chapter in Malcolm Gladwell’s book The Outliers about the 10,000 Hour Rule.  You will never entertain that notion again.

With the pursuit of success so ingrained in our society, why do so few people achieve it?  I have personally found that very few are prepared to make the sacrifices success takes.  So many are in search of a solution, a method, a program, a coach, a “silver bullet” way to become successful.  There are no shortcuts.  It will be more work than you want to do, and depending on your goals, cost you more money than you want to spend.  Is success a priority for you?  For the masses, being nice to be liked is higher on their list of priorities, whether consciously or subconsciously, than being successful.  A predominant need to be liked will hinder one’s attainment of success.  Strength and resilience are required.  Most when faced with a decision to stand their ground congruent with their goal will not because they feel by doing so they will not be liked, which is a ridiculous belief.  As Geoff Colvin writes in Talent is Overrated, and I will concur that, “being liked” is even more ridiculous.   Success escapes the majority of people because they; 1) feel it takes talent to succeed, 2) are endlessly searching for an easier way, and/or 3) are being nice to be liked.  Do any of these apply to you?

You have to put in the work.  Nobody is going to do it for you.

Now the question is… Would you rather be liked, or respected?

If there is something you want out of life that you do not currently have, consider there is only one thing that’s standing in your way.  If you guessed “fear,” you’re probably right.  In fact, I would bet on it.  Your fear might be disguised as some other expression like “I can’t afford it” or “I don’t have the time” or “It won’t work” or “I don’t know how.”  Whatever label you’re putting on it, it is fear all the same.  Someone once defined F.E.A.R. as False Evidence Appearing Real.  I wish I knew who originally said it… brilliant!

Having said that, fear is a real emotion.  While your fears may be just appearing as real, your mind experiences extreme difficulty in differentiating what is real and what is perceived as such.  The fact that your mind registers the signal of fear is enough to incapacitate your response and prevent you from moving forward.

To demonstrate how silly we can actually be as humans, I posted a video below walking you through an exercise I use to break through my fears, and how I help my students to do the same.  I recorded it a couple of months ago for a different purpose, but it seems so fitting for this post I thought I would share it with you.  It will work for anything, I promise!  What would your life look like if you had no fear?

If you are prone to making excuses, it is something you will want to change… immediately.  Using excuses to explain away your failures will not only stifle your progress, but stifle your growth and drastically limit your results.  People use excuses to let themselves off the hook for not giving it their all.  Taking responsibility for your actions, results and experiences is one of the most powerful disciplines a human can take on.  It is a discipline, an inherent character trait, of successful people.  By taking responsibility for your life, nothing or no one can get in your way.  Every person at some point comes to the epiphany that if I want to be successful, nobody is going to do it for me.  Certainly, friends, family, associates and your environment may contribute to your success, but if it is to be… it will be up to you – 100%.

I invite you to think back to your last failure, and think back to a big one.  Think back to one where there was something really important at stake.  Who, or what, do you blame for that failure?  Was it your age, health, gender, education, environment, race, friend, spouse, government, the economy… what was it?  Is it true?  Was it really to blame?  Or, was there something else you could’ve done before accepting failure?  Were there multiple things you could’ve done before accepting failure?  What did that excuse cost you?

Take responsibility for your actions, your results and your experiences and watch a new level of personal performance suddenly emerge.  Notice how your communication improves.  Notice how your relationships improve.  Notice how you will begin to receive assistance from people that had never moved a muscle for you before.  Notice how life actually becomes easier, because it will.  Even if it seems a little counter-intuitive at first, trust it.  Clarity around the power of responsibility will be created before you know it, and you will be able to use it as a tool to accomplish whatever you set your sights on.

Best practices:

1. Trust your abilities. We are all born for greatness and engineered for success.  Believe it.  You must have confidence in this belief before others will have confidence in you.
2. Look for the bright-side in every challenge you experience. Get in the habit of asking yourself in the face of adversity, “Is this really as bad as I’m making it mean?”
3. Focus on solutions instead of excuses. Specifically, always focus on what you want to have happen as opposed to what’s happening.  What else could I do to produce my desired result?
4. Be Lucky. Luck exists in the moment when preparedness meets opportunity.  Always be preparing.  Always be learning.  Always be practicing skills and improving your knowledge.

“In times of change learners will inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.” –Eric Hoffer

Here’s my favorite resource to stay prepared and equipped for whatever future challenge or opportunity I may meet.  Perhaps it will become yours, as well?